This moment....

Last, year, at this moment, I was checking into the hospital. I was scared and unsure.  Today, one year later, I'm filled with gratitude for the little brown eyed boy with the cheesy grin.  Samory, you are the light of my life.  Love you, darling.

my heart.....

innocence

Sam,

Your father and I are so blown away by you, by your innocence.  Last night, as we watched you, your Papa looked at my and said, "Sometimes he just seems so small and innocent that I want to cry."

He's right.  You're toddling around all over the place, but you still seem so tiny.  You're such a cheerful, happy baby.  So sweet and innocent that it's completely overwhelming.  We want so badly to protect you and to keep you safe from everything that might hurt you. I know this won't always be possible, and it breaks my heart.

For the time being, though, I'm going to cuddle with you as long as you'll let me and breathe in the sweet smell of your little body.  You're growing up so fast, little one.

My darling baby boy, you are so very loved.

Your Mama.

11 months

My darling baby boy.  Yesterday was your 11 month “birthday.”  There is officially less than one month left before you are 1 year old.  1 year.  And what a magical year it’s been.  All because of you, my magical little boy.  You have touched every corner of our lives and have made everything more beautiful.  You being in our lives has given everything meaning.  Before you, we were walking blind.  Now, everything has a purpose.  Because of you, I want to live every day to the very fullest. 

Darling baby boy, you are walking up a storm! You have been walking for almost a month now and you love toddling around our house.  You shriek and giggle when we pretend to chase you around our small apartment.  Your favorite thing in the world is taking baths. You splash and splash and splash and look surprised every time the water splashes your little face. You’ll look at us for just a moment, then go happily back to slapping your chubby little hands against the water.  When we finally take you out of the water, we’ve started letting you down after we’ve wiped you off a bit but before you get you dressed.  You immediately start giggling and start toddling off, looking back and waiting for us to chase you.  We always do, of course, because there’s nothing cuter than a little baby bottom running across the living room.

Darling, we love you and are so happy to have you in our lives.

up, up, and away

foggy mornings

Taking pictures of Sam is so fun right now! I can stand him up, but he can't run away from me yet! He's the cutest, I know.

10 months. Not a baby anymore

sleepy baby

chubs

prayers

I've cut down on blogging quite a bit, as I am sure you've all noticed. In our hectic lives, it's become too difficult to keep up with just one more thing. There are only a few blogs that I keep track of.  There's one in particular written by a midwife working in rural Sudan. We don't share the same faith, but I read her blog often. I am simultaneously heart broken and hopeful by what I find there.  Mostly, I find myself weeping at how unequal things are in the world. I hope you take a look. And if you are so inclined, what ever faith you are, please pray.

midwife on a mission

Update!

Lamine looking stoic.  Sam looking round.

Where does the chin end and the belly begin?

Adorable as per usual.

What do you mean I shouldn't put sand in my mouth?

Fine, fine I'll spit it out.

Happy Eight Months, Darling.

You are so loved.

photoshoot fail

Picture overload! He's just too cute!!! I had to post a bazillion of them.

Yes, Sam has started standing.  Just a couple things to look for. 1.) chubby knees.  2.)  toes curled completely under feet.  3.) dimples on knuckles.  

:)

Scare

Last night we had quite the scare. 

Lamine's prayer mat is right inside our closet door (don't ask me why) which means our closet is never shut.  Sam LOVES sitting on the prayer mat and most of all loves sticking the prayer beads in his mouth (don't worry, they're safe. I've checked.)  Last night, Sam was sitting on the mat, jabbering and drooling on the prayer beads while I sat just next to him.  I had even set out a pillow behind him so that if he fell backwards he wouldn't knock his little noggin on the closet door.

So, there we were, just hanging out, when out of nowhere the closet door falls off it's hinges with Sam sitting right there. Everything was in slow motion.  Samory immediately fell backwards, belly up and facing the falling door. I threw my arms out in front of the door and immediately realized that I couldn't hold it back. The door was so heavy and falling fast and I knew I wasn't at an angle to stop it. I looked at Sam, and you could see his little face braced for the door falling on him. I heard Lamine call out my name but no matter how I reached for the door, it wouldn't stop. I thought it was going to kill him. Thank god Lamine was close and speedy.  He jumped from the bed and caught the door just as it touched the palms of Sam's outreached hands.  I snatched Sam out of the way, and we both cried a little from the scare. 

This door is seriously heavy. Maybe 80 lbs?  I'm still a little shaken up from it.  I can't believe that almost happened. I don't want to think about what could have happened.  Being a mom is terrifying.

Seven Months

My sweet, sweet baby boy,

You are seven months old.  I'm having to hold back tears as I write this because I just can Not believe how fast Time has gone.  I look into your Eyes and I know Love as I have never known Love before. I feel as if I have been sleeping my whole life, and as your mother I am finally Awake. I am finally living.

Already, I wish I could do this over again. And that scares me.  I want those first 11 weeks back with you-when I didn't work, and I could just breathe in your scent and feel your tiny, rolly polly body against mine. I find myself wishing that I had done more with you. Wishing I had taken more pictures (as if the 3,000 + aren't enough), wishing that I had written more.  But when I go through the catalog of memories locked away in my heart, I realize that I cannot have a single regret.  I remember all the hours and days I spent with you lying against my chest-heart against heart-and I can't imagine anything better. More than anything, I just see you growing so fast and wish I could slow it down.

My sweet, sweet boy, I love you more than I thought it would ever be possible.  You are absolutely the light of my life. Today, we spent hours just staring at one another,  and I spent all my time delighting in your little grins and giggles. 

I want so many things for you darling. I want you to know only love and acceptance in your life, and my heart sometimes aches in knowing that this will not be the case.  But I hope that no matter what you encounter in the world, you will always know how much you father and I love you.  You are absolutely everything to us. 

So, happy seven months, Samory.  Please don't you grow up to fast!

Love you always,

Mama

Sleepy Baby

We spent a lot of our Fourth of July weekend walking around. And Sam spent a lot of the weekend in the stroller just like this.

Standing Baby!

sending prayers up for senegal

There has been talk of riots in Senegal for a little while now, but they have now erupted in full force. I won't link to any pictures here as you can find them on any news site today. It breaks my heart. It is so easy to read stories of far away places and think, "another war in the Middle East" or "more violence in Africa," and not have any real emotional reaction.  But these are people. They are no different than you or me.  They just had the poor luck to be born in a poor country. As I scrolled through the articles this morning, I caught myself gasping at the violence.  A few years ago,and that might have been Lamine demonstrating. 

Anyway. My thoughts and prayers are with Senegal today and with Lamine's family.

Evening in the Garden

Six months

My sweet baby boy,

You are six months old.  In another six months you won't really be a baby anymore. You'll be a toddler. It seems so unfair. So unfair that I only get these sweet moments for a few months. There is just this small, super brief period of time in which you are completely dependent on me, and I can already feel it slipping away. You have been sitting up on your own for a little while now, but you've really started to turn your concentration to crawling and standing.  Whenever we sit you down, you immediately lunge forward onto your hands and knees.  From there, you'll rock back and forth a few times. Whenever you try to move out of this position, though, it usually ends in a silly face plant. 

 You are so absolutely and completely the light of our lives. You have filled our home with so much more joy than we ever thought possible. Last night, I just held you for hours, looking at your chunky little wrists, running my hands over your fuzzy head, and just gazing deeply into your brown eyes. Six months. Wow. I can't believe that six months ago today, I held you for the first time. I can't believe how utterly and completely our lives have been transformed by your presence.

I feel like everything that I'm writing is totally inadequate.  You are just everything to us, and I wish so badly that I could express how much we love you.  With you, every day is precious.  With you, every day is filled with meaning. With you, everyday is an adventure, and I can't wait to see where we end up. 

We love you so much, Samory.

Happy Six months!