Scare

Last night we had quite the scare. 

Lamine's prayer mat is right inside our closet door (don't ask me why) which means our closet is never shut.  Sam LOVES sitting on the prayer mat and most of all loves sticking the prayer beads in his mouth (don't worry, they're safe. I've checked.)  Last night, Sam was sitting on the mat, jabbering and drooling on the prayer beads while I sat just next to him.  I had even set out a pillow behind him so that if he fell backwards he wouldn't knock his little noggin on the closet door.

So, there we were, just hanging out, when out of nowhere the closet door falls off it's hinges with Sam sitting right there. Everything was in slow motion.  Samory immediately fell backwards, belly up and facing the falling door. I threw my arms out in front of the door and immediately realized that I couldn't hold it back. The door was so heavy and falling fast and I knew I wasn't at an angle to stop it. I looked at Sam, and you could see his little face braced for the door falling on him. I heard Lamine call out my name but no matter how I reached for the door, it wouldn't stop. I thought it was going to kill him. Thank god Lamine was close and speedy.  He jumped from the bed and caught the door just as it touched the palms of Sam's outreached hands.  I snatched Sam out of the way, and we both cried a little from the scare. 

This door is seriously heavy. Maybe 80 lbs?  I'm still a little shaken up from it.  I can't believe that almost happened. I don't want to think about what could have happened.  Being a mom is terrifying.

Seven Months

My sweet, sweet baby boy,

You are seven months old.  I'm having to hold back tears as I write this because I just can Not believe how fast Time has gone.  I look into your Eyes and I know Love as I have never known Love before. I feel as if I have been sleeping my whole life, and as your mother I am finally Awake. I am finally living.

Already, I wish I could do this over again. And that scares me.  I want those first 11 weeks back with you-when I didn't work, and I could just breathe in your scent and feel your tiny, rolly polly body against mine. I find myself wishing that I had done more with you. Wishing I had taken more pictures (as if the 3,000 + aren't enough), wishing that I had written more.  But when I go through the catalog of memories locked away in my heart, I realize that I cannot have a single regret.  I remember all the hours and days I spent with you lying against my chest-heart against heart-and I can't imagine anything better. More than anything, I just see you growing so fast and wish I could slow it down.

My sweet, sweet boy, I love you more than I thought it would ever be possible.  You are absolutely the light of my life. Today, we spent hours just staring at one another,  and I spent all my time delighting in your little grins and giggles. 

I want so many things for you darling. I want you to know only love and acceptance in your life, and my heart sometimes aches in knowing that this will not be the case.  But I hope that no matter what you encounter in the world, you will always know how much you father and I love you.  You are absolutely everything to us. 

So, happy seven months, Samory.  Please don't you grow up to fast!

Love you always,

Mama

Sleepy Baby

We spent a lot of our Fourth of July weekend walking around. And Sam spent a lot of the weekend in the stroller just like this.

Standing Baby!

sending prayers up for senegal

There has been talk of riots in Senegal for a little while now, but they have now erupted in full force. I won't link to any pictures here as you can find them on any news site today. It breaks my heart. It is so easy to read stories of far away places and think, "another war in the Middle East" or "more violence in Africa," and not have any real emotional reaction.  But these are people. They are no different than you or me.  They just had the poor luck to be born in a poor country. As I scrolled through the articles this morning, I caught myself gasping at the violence.  A few years ago,and that might have been Lamine demonstrating. 

Anyway. My thoughts and prayers are with Senegal today and with Lamine's family.

Evening in the Garden

Six months

My sweet baby boy,

You are six months old.  In another six months you won't really be a baby anymore. You'll be a toddler. It seems so unfair. So unfair that I only get these sweet moments for a few months. There is just this small, super brief period of time in which you are completely dependent on me, and I can already feel it slipping away. You have been sitting up on your own for a little while now, but you've really started to turn your concentration to crawling and standing.  Whenever we sit you down, you immediately lunge forward onto your hands and knees.  From there, you'll rock back and forth a few times. Whenever you try to move out of this position, though, it usually ends in a silly face plant. 

 You are so absolutely and completely the light of our lives. You have filled our home with so much more joy than we ever thought possible. Last night, I just held you for hours, looking at your chunky little wrists, running my hands over your fuzzy head, and just gazing deeply into your brown eyes. Six months. Wow. I can't believe that six months ago today, I held you for the first time. I can't believe how utterly and completely our lives have been transformed by your presence.

I feel like everything that I'm writing is totally inadequate.  You are just everything to us, and I wish so badly that I could express how much we love you.  With you, every day is precious.  With you, every day is filled with meaning. With you, everyday is an adventure, and I can't wait to see where we end up. 

We love you so much, Samory.

Happy Six months!